Clash of the Beards & Bellies

Super Unlikely I already have my concession speech ready. In the most unlikely of collapses, my DFS luck ran out at the end of the regular season. In order to be the recipient of the championship whiskey, I will need to win by more than 37 points on Sunday. Any given Sunday, right? With onlyContinue reading “Clash of the Beards & Bellies”

Clash of the Beards & Bellies

Put Up or Shut Up I cry a lot. The great Jim Valvano said in his infamous ESPYs speech that you should “have your emotions moved to tears, could be happiness or joy” every day. Lately, the waterworks have been from losing in heartbreaking fashion to Nimble. It was the walk-off touchdown from Mahomes toContinue reading “Clash of the Beards & Bellies”

Clash of the Beards & Bellies

Hey Siri, Play Invincible by TOOL What kind of silver lining can be discerned on the heels of a four-game losing streak? What does one do in this precarious situation? Pray? Meditate? Drink themself into oblivion? For the first time ever, I found myself nodding along with Mike McCarthy. I know how to win atContinue reading “Clash of the Beards & Bellies”

Clash of the Beards & Bellies

Hey Siri, Play Invincible by TOOL In a 21st century remix of Donny and Marie, I’m a little bit country and a little bit thrash metal. I’m feeling grizzled and battered from the DFS battlefield after this season like the warrior from TOOL’s amazing track, Invincible. With a heavy shield, I am struggling to remainContinue reading “Clash of the Beards & Bellies”

Clash of the Beards & Bellies

Paging Jeff Fisher I have unwillingly made this series very interesting. No more jokes. It’s incredibly irritating to have one single lineup completely bomb among 13 that were good enough to cash. That one lineup, for two weeks running, has been my Clash build. It’s like that one episode of Family Guy, where Stewie clonedContinue reading “Clash of the Beards & Bellies”

Clash of the Beards & Bellies

I Got the Deuce-Deuce (In the Trunk of My Car) Last week was the first loss I’ve ever taken to Scott in Capricorn SZN. Astrologically, this was a devastating defeat. The margin was as narrow as Tutu Atwell’s tutu. As the Roman calendar flips, so too will my strategy. I have blistered ole Scotty StacksContinue reading “Clash of the Beards & Bellies”

Clash of the Beards and Bellies

Dobermans and Razor Wire Before I wax poetic about my return to form last week, I would like to wish the Simpson family a very merry Christmas. A man is only as good as his supporting cast and Rose and the girls tolerate Scott at a dosage level that inferior beings would quickly succumb to.Continue reading “Clash of the Beards and Bellies”

Clash of the Beards and Bellies

Abominable Snowman What a terrible performance! Except for Alvin Kamara and Joshua Palmer, I saw six snowflakes on my side of the board. That is by far the most I’ve ever had in a head to head clash with Scott. I literally gift wrapped his second-consecutive win last week, so now I don’t need toContinue reading “Clash of the Beards and Bellies”

Clash of the Beards and Bellies

Something About a Blind Squirrel Don’t let his gruff exterior fool you, Scott Simpson is incapable of doing harm. That is, unless you are in the DraftKings lobby, with banks of flickering fluorescent lights and creaky floorboards. In that world, he’s leaning into the bricks in a leather jacket, carving a Fuji apple with aContinue reading “Clash of the Beards and Bellies”

Clash of the Beards and Bellies

We’re Going Streaking Bring your green hat, everyone’s doing it. Just like Frank the Tank in the timeless classic Old School, I’m streaking through the quad. I’ve been known to throw back some brewskis, but I typically go long periods of time before I hit the level of inebriation that induces public nudity. I mayContinue reading “Clash of the Beards and Bellies”

Clash of the Mashed Potatoes and Gravy

Full of Gratitude I met Scott Simpson on Twitter in the Spring of 2020. When we were invited to the same Sleeper dynasty league, I’m sure he knew pretty early on that I wasn’t going to let up on the trash talk. We have shared some amazing conversations and DFS victories. My “internet friend” isContinue reading “Clash of the Mashed Potatoes and Gravy”

Clash of the Beards and Bellies

I’m not that happy that I beat Simpson last week. We were both on the struggle bus with our lineups. I guess I only won because of the sunset on his lineup three hours earlier on the east coast. Don’t get me wrong, I loooooove taking my obligatory victory lap on social media, even ifContinue reading “Clash of the Beards and Bellies”

Clash of the Beards and Bellies

In Dominating Fashion There’s something endearing about a villain. Maybe it’s just me, but Michael Richards in “Problem Child” and Christopher Lloyd in “Dennis the Menace” were some of my favorite antagonists. It could be that they were scaring some troubled youth right back on the straight and narrow. They were unabashedly disgusting and askewContinue reading “Clash of the Beards and Bellies”

Clash of the Beards and Bellies

All Square For some reason, the last couple of weeks have gone terribly wrong in my head-to-head contests. Some of my worst lineups have been rolled out in my favorite format lately and it irks me. Simpson’s lineup was great last week, but it didn’t have to be. Aside from my studly running backs andContinue reading “Clash of the Beards and Bellies”

Clash of the Beards and Bellies

Blood and Entrails Most of us have been through at least one good haunted house in our lifetime. When I was a kid growing up in a farm town, we would get permission from my great uncle (a farmer) to make an amazing “haunted shop.” We partitioned each room with hay bales, coated the concreteContinue reading “Clash of the Beards and Bellies”