I Got the Deuce-Deuce (In the Trunk of My Car)
Last week was the first loss I’ve ever taken to Scott in Capricorn SZN. Astrologically, this was a devastating defeat. The margin was as narrow as Tutu Atwell’s tutu. As the Roman calendar flips, so too will my strategy. I have blistered ole Scotty Stacks with a more aggressive approach in the past, but I’m rolling into ’22 firing from both hips with ivory-gripped revolvers. The West was won with good old fashioned whiskey-induced violence. This season’s Clash series will be won with a figurative version of the same. I know it will taste sublime…
QB – Trey Lance – San Francisco 49ers – $4,800
It is nearly impossible for a mobile quarterback with a cannon arm, copious weaponry, and a sub-$5k salary to bust. It doesn’t take a squinty-eyed genius to see the advantage to lineup building that Lance provides. Oh wow, even Scott saw it!
RB – Ke’Shawn Vaughn – Tampa Bay Buccaneers – $5,200
I preach the importance of high-value touches in my Hot Cash article every week, so why wouldn’t I put my ramblings into practice this week to essentially close the book on the season series? Rojo is a fine play this week, but I much prefer the explosive Vaughn’s receiving ability and speed over a player who went to USC and frequently draws the ire of Bruce Arians.
RB – Darrel Williams – Kansas City Chiefs – $5,800
Just like Vaughn, I can spend less salary to get a valuable piece of an explosive offense who is more entrusted with receiving work by his head coach. Darrel Williams isn’t flashy, but he does command those precious receiving touches for the Chiefs over CEH. Scott will bleed out from a thousand PPR cuts.
WR – Bryan Edwards – Las Vegas Raiders – $3,300
You might not have known this about me, but I have had a dart board in my garage for a long time. I can really fling ’em. I have dominated Scott all season, thanks to deadly accuracy on these dart throw receivers. Indy’s secondary is very opportunistic, but they have a tendency to get barbecued down the field. My gut says that it will be the South Carolina product that gets them this week.
WR – Cooper Kupp – LA Rams – $9,500
Some of my builds this week have both Kupp and JT. Like a cat toying with its prey before the kill, I’ll just ride with Kupp this week and spare Scott the embarrassment. He has JT going, which is oozing with desperation. I don’t need to worry about Kupp’s production against a decimated Ravens defense.
WR – Jaylen Waddle – Miami Dolphins – $6,700
The electric rookie from Alabama is as advertised. The rekindled connection between him and Tua Tagovailoa has been every bit as spectacular as the one in Cincinnati between Joe Burrow and Ja’Marr Chase. We haven’t even seen the full scope of Waddle’s downfield capabilities. Wouldn’t it be sweet if we caught a glimpse this Sunday?
TE – George Kittle – San Francisco 49ers – $7,100
This is a big boi skinny stack. Kittle is a fade when the opposing defense has a good front seven. Houston is not one of those teams. I fully expect a gigantic target volume for Kittle from the gifted rookie, Lance. On top of that, Kittle’s reputation as a YAC monster is sure to re-emerge against one of the worst tackling defenses in the NFL.
FLEX – Michael Gallup – Dallas Cowboys – $4,800
Personally, I cannot wait for this game to kick off. It will be a measuring stick game between the Cowboys and Cardinals in the NFC playoff hunt. It will also be interesting to see if Gallup ends up as the best points-per-dollar receiver on this board. Arizona has very poor personnel on the corners, which until recently was buttressed by their pass rush.
DST – Miami Dolphins – $2,800
Next to the Chiefs, the league’s hottest defensive unit has to be Brian Flores’ Miami Dolphins. I haven’t been too enamored by the Titans on offense either. Without the benefit of Derrick Henry or a healthy Taylor Lewan, Tennessee is grinding out games with great coaching. That won’t be enough to light up the scoreboard against a Miami squad firing on all cylinders.
Football is a Game of Inches
I barely scraped out a victory last week against Bo, just by the skin of my late swap teeth. Josh Palmer was the difference. I cannot celebrate too much because I am still down 7 – 9 and in desperate need of a victory. If I have any hope of pulling off a miraculous comeback in our DraftKings season-long H2H Championship, I have to win this week. A $100 bottle of Whisky/Bourbon goes to the winner and offseason bragging rights. I’m rolling with proven performers like Jonathan Taylor and Sony Michel and volatile upside plays like Tyreek Hill and Trey Lance. Bo and I only share one common player (Trey Lance) which means we are in for a hell of a game!!
Happy New Year!! Hopeful 2022 will be better than 2021.
QB – Trey Lance – San Francisco 49ers – $4,800
Trey Lance is a Week 17 wild card that I want to be injected into my veins. Football is truly a gamble every week, and who doesn’t want in on the biggest gamble this week? Thankfully Bo is of the same gunslinger mindset and chambered him in his H2H clip this week. Smart. You don’t need me to sell you on Lance, his rushing upside combined with receiving weapons like Deebo Samuel and George Kittle speak for themselves. Happy hunting this weekend everyone.
RB – Sony Michel – LA Rams – $5,800
Sony Michel is in the Todd Gurley role, just like we all predicted. Don’t fight it. Just accept it. Sony Michel >>>>>> Todd Gurley. The sooner you can accept it, the sooner you can capitalize on it and start making up for lost money. In his last four games, he’s touched the ball 28, 21, 20, and 31 times. Sony is the goal line back. Sony is the PPR back. Sony is the back. Sony is back. More like, Sony is here. I for one am here for it. This week he has 20 point potential against the Baltimore Ravens.
RB – Jonathan Taylor – Indianapolis Colts – $9,000
I was shocked that one Mr. Bo McBrayer, aka @Bo_McBigTime on Twitter, did not roster Jonathan Taylor this week. I am going to tell Jon Helmkamp on you, Bo. It was your fatal mistake this week. That’s all I need to say. Don’t overthink JT. He’s the best running back on the slate and will deliver today.
WR – Braxton Berrios – New York Jets – $3,700
Do you pour your Braxton Berrios before or after the milk? For me, it’s always before, and with ice. This week dig into your Berrios with a soup spoon (is there any other way to do it?) because the Tampa Bay Buccaneers will be stomping the New York Jets all day long. Zach Wilson will throw the ball 50 times this week. Berrios should see double-digit targets if Jamison Crowder and Elijah Moore are both OUT again this week. There’s milk dripping from your, never mind.
WR – Antonio Brown – Tampa Bay Buccaneers – $6,100
Antonio Brown was a SMASH play last week, scoring 23.1 DraftKings points in a tough matchup with the Carolina Panthers secondary. This week Brown has a much easier matchup on paper with the New York Jets secondary. According to PFF, Brown has their second-best wide receiver grade for Week 17. Last week his 15 targets were second to only A.J. Brown’s 16. This week Mike Evans and Chris Godwin are both OUT, meaning that it will once again be the Tom and Antonio Show. I’m playing him in 69% of my lineups.
WR – Tyreek Hill – Kansas City Chiefs – $8,300
The Kansas City Chiefs are five-point road favorites this week as they roll into Cincinnatti to face Joe Burrow and the Bengals. Vegas opened the betting at 49.5 and the public quickly bet it up to 51 points. This game has all the trappings of an offensive explosion waiting to happen. Tyreek Hill is often times the accelerant that facilitates said explosive games. Travis Kelce’s return should open up the field for Hill to wreak havoc in the Bengals’ secondary. At $8,300, I feel like it’s a no-brainer in Cash games.
TE – C.J. Uzomah – Cincinnati Bengals – $3,300
C.J. Uzomah has been boom or bust this year and in this matchup against the Chiefs, I am banking on a shootout to aid in his boom. The Chiefs have been pretty stout against wide receivers, but have been venerable to tight ends, giving up 849 receiving yards and six touchdowns. Uzomah has 23 targets in the last 4 games, meaning that the volume is there for a big payoff if he scores this week.
Flex – Tyler Lockett – Seattle Seahawks – $6,400
Tyler Lockett is one of the best football players in the NFL. The Detroit Lions’ secondary is the exact opposite. The average PFF grade for the top three starting cornerbacks is 49.1, with Will Harris (44.1) set to lineup across from Lockett. Lockett is more of a GPP play than Cash game, but I need upside against Bo. Lockett delivered for me in Week 14, scoring 30 points and burying Bo in the process. It’s Lockett week ladies and gentlemen and Bo.
DST – Denver Broncos – $2,600
The Denver Broncos DST is the cheapest punt defense I feel comfortable playing this week. It’s that simple.