Clash of the Beards and Bellies

In Dominating Fashion

There’s something endearing about a villain. Maybe it’s just me, but Michael Richards in “Problem Child” and Christopher Lloyd in “Dennis the Menace” were some of my favorite antagonists. It could be that they were scaring some troubled youth right back on the straight and narrow. They were unabashedly disgusting and askew from gentrification, free to unleash a brand of chaos that we found frightening in the 90s.

I emerged from the mud and mediocrity last week to rain chaotic hellfire on poor Simpson. I didn’t even need Chase Edmonds’ vitality to romp and puff my chest out for the world to see. For the first time all season, Scott bore the brunt of my best lineup. His menacing and maniacal fireside call-out sealed his fate. For my next act, I will force him to listen to Baby Shark on loop for two hours if I win this week. What if, this entire time, I was the villain?

Bo’s Lineup

QB – Tom Brady – Tampa Bay Buccaneers – $7,600

GREEN BAY, WISCONSIN – JANUARY 24: Tom Brady #12 of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers warms up prior to their NFC Championship game against the Green Bay Packers at Lambeau Field on January 24, 2021 in Green Bay, Wisconsin. (Photo by Stacy Revere/Getty Images)

The GOAT is averaging over 330 passing yards per game this season and is facing a secondary that is allowing over 300 yards passing per week. Even without a couple weapons, I can’t picture Brady having any trouble ripping Washington apart.

RB – Dalvin Cook – Minnesota Vikings – $8,000

BALTIMORE, MD – NOVEMBER 07: Dalvin Cook #33 of the Minnesota Vikings carries the ball against the Baltimore Ravens during the first half at M&T Bank Stadium on November 7, 2021 in Baltimore, Maryland. (Photo by Scott Taetsch/Getty Images)”nNo licensing by any casino, sportsbook, and/or fantasy sports organization for any purpose. During game play, no use of images within play-by-play, statistical account or depiction of a game (e.g., limited to use of fewer than 10 images during the game)

A disturbing story about Cook from last year surfaced this week, distracting some from a choice matchup against the Chargers. LA has a nice run funnel and Cook will get a ton of work with plenty of upside.

RB – Najee Harris – Pittsburgh Steelers – $7,900

Any bell-cow back that gets to face the Detroit Lions puts dollar signs in my eyes and drool down my chin like when Sylvester the cat sees Tweety in his cage. Najee is a bona fide stud and will absolutely feast on this defense.

WR – Mike Evans – Tampa Bay Buccaneers – $6,900

TAMPA, FLORIDA – OCTOBER 24: Mike Evans #13 of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers reacts in the second quarter against the Chicago Bears in the game at Raymond James Stadium on October 24, 2021 in Tampa, Florida. (Photo by Mike Ehrmann/Getty Images)

With the injuries to Gronk, AB, and Godwin (game-time decision), the Tampa Bay receiving situation has been narrowed to the point of great clarity. Evans is going to feast on this terrible Washington secondary. As always, he is a threat to score multiple touchdowns to boot.

WR – Diontae Johnson – Pittsburgh Steelers – $6,800

CLEVELAND, OHIO – OCTOBER 31: Diontae Johnson #18 of the Pittsburgh Steelers reacts during the second half against the Cleveland Browns at FirstEnergy Stadium on October 31, 2021 in Cleveland, Ohio. (Photo by Nick Cammett/Getty Images)

DiontBAE is the preferred target in the Steel City for Big Ben, no matter how impressive the Muth has been. He is a technician on the outside and will have more reign over the route tree without Chase Claypool on the field.

WR – Josh Palmer – LA Chargers – $3,000

The Vikings’ secondary has been lit up like a prematurely-adorned Christmas tree this season. They even surrendered a big game to Cedrick Wilson of the Cowboys, who plays a lot like the Chargers’ rookie out of Tennessee. Palmer is a big play waiting to happen.

TE – OJ Howard – Tampa Bay Buccaneers – $2,700

With Gronk still on the mend, I could very well spend the same amount on Cameron Brate. He’s boring, so I’ll go with the more athletic Howard. At least he might put up some PPR numbers before Brate vultures his touchdown.

FLEX – D’Ernest Johnson – Cleveland Browns – $4,700

CLEVELAND, OHIO – OCTOBER 31: Running back D’Ernest Johnson #30 of the Cleveland Browns runs for a gain during the first half against the Pittsburgh Steelers at FirstEnergy Stadium on October 31, 2021 in Cleveland, Ohio. The Steelers defeated the Browns 15-10. (Photo by Jason Miller/Getty Images)

Everyone, including my Aunt Sally, will be playing D’Ernest this week. He’s going to have a great game behind this stellar offensive line. He’s the only healthy running back anyway. Go forth and eat thine chalk with broth.

DST – Minnesota Vikings – $2,300

Do I think this defense will slow the Chargers down? No. Do I think they will get a few sacks and maybe force a turnover or two to correlate value stacked with Cook? Yes. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.


The Bad Guy

Ever since I was a little kid, I’ve always wanted to be the “Bad Guy” but was always cast in the good guy role. Big brother, team captain, teacher, team leader, etc… I’ve never been able to embrace my true heel role until Bo came along and we started Clashing our Beards and Bellies. Finally, I got to be the bad guy and it turns out that I am terrible at it. Maybe the grass isn’t greener on the other side and guys like Vic Mackey and Tony Soprano weren’t who I was supposed to be, even if I did embrace their “No fucks given” attitude, it’s just not me. I have to face reality, as much as I wish I was, I am not the bad guy. I’m not the good guy either. I’m just a guy who’s going to whoop Bo’s ass this week and then try to do it again next week. Let the Clash begin!!!

Scott’s Lineup

QB – Tom Brady – Tampa Bay Buccaneers – $7,600

CHARLOTTE, NORTH CAROLINA – NOVEMBER 15: Tom Brady #12 of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers celebrates after a 98-yard touchdown run by Ronald Jones II #27 during their NFL game against the Carolina Panthers at Bank of America Stadium on November 15, 2020, in Charlotte, North Carolina. (Photo by Grant Halverson/Getty Images)

Tom Brady and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are going to stomp the Washington Football Team come Sunday. The WFT ranks 32nd against quarterbacks, giving up 25 points per game, three more points than the 31st ranked team. The WFT also ranks 31st against wide receivers this year, great news for Tom Brady and Mike Evans. I am projecting them to be the optimal skinny stack this week, so obviously, Bo has them both on his team as well (eye-roll).

RB – Najee Harris – Pittsburgh Steelers – $7,900

CLEVELAND, OH – OCTOBER 31: Najee Harris #22 of the Pittsburgh Steelers carries the ball during the second half against the Cleveland Browns at FirstEnergy Stadium on October 31, 2021 in Cleveland, Ohio. (Photo by Nick Cammett/Diamond Images via Getty Images)

The winless Detroit Lions are dreadful as a whole but are particularly terrible against running backs, ranking 31st and giving up 30 points per game.  Steelers’ rookie Najee Harris is licking his chops this week to face the Lions. He’s currently second in targets and receptions to only D’Andre Swift this season, with 52 for 40. I love Harris in Cash this week and apparently so does Bo (second eye roll).

RB – D’Ernest Johnson – Cleveland Browns – $4,700

D’Ernest Johnson is the best value on the DraftKings main slate this week with the rest of the Cleveland Browns running backs currently either on the COVID-19 list or the IR. Nick Chubb has been ruled OUT for Sunday so expect Johnson to get most of if not all the running back work in the Browns’ matchup against the New England Patriots. Apparently, Bo is aware of this as well (third eye roll).

WR – Mike Evans – Tampa Bay Buccaneers – $6,900

TAMPA, FLORIDA – OCTOBER 10: Mike Evans #13 of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers catches a touchdown pass against Byron Jones #24 of the Miami Dolphins during the fourth quarter at Raymond James Stadium on October 10, 2021 in Tampa, Florida. (Photo by Mike Ehrmann/Getty Images)

Mike Evans is my favorite wide receiver under 7K this week. PFF projects him to have a top 10 matchup advantage over the Washington Football Team’s cornerbacks. He should see tremendous volume with Antonio Brown and Rob Gronkowski both out for this game. Guess who else likes Evans this week (fourth eye roll)?

WR – A.J. Brown  – Tennessee Titans – $7,800

NASHVILLE, TENNESSEE – OCTOBER 18: A.J. Brown #11 of the Tennessee Titans celebrates the win at the end of a game against the Buffalo Bills at Nissan Stadium on October 18, 2021 in Nashville, Tennessee. The Titans defeated the Bills 34-31. (Photo by Wesley Hitt/Getty Images)

A.J. Brown and his 30% target share are what I am chasing in this matchup. The Saints rank 30th against wide receivers, giving up 42 points per game to pass catchers. I want 100% exposure to Brown this week! Especially since Bo doesn’t have him!!

WR –  Courtland Sutton – Denver Broncos – $5,600

Courtland Sutton has been overshadowed by the return of Jerry Jeudy to the lineup and as a result, his price has dipped dangerously low. I decided the price was too good to pass up this week. I do not need him to set the world on fire, just score 15 points for me.

TE – Dan Arnold – Jacksonville Jaguars – $3,500

Dan Arnold has been targeted 30 times the past four games. That’s good for a tight end right? The Colts defense ranks 28th against tight ends and has given up 544 receiving yards and six touchdowns on the season. I’m actually shocked that Bo doesn’t have him on his team.

Flex – Tyler Johnson – Tampa Bay Buccaneers – $3,300

TAMPA, FLORIDA – OCTOBER 10: Tyler Johnson #18 of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers is tackled by Jevon Holland #8 of the Miami Dolphins during the fourth quarter at Raymond James Stadium on October 10, 2021 in Tampa, Florida. (Photo by Julio Aguilar/Getty Images)

Last week Tyler Johnson scored 11.5 DraftKings points and won me $200 with his late-game catch. This week Chris Godwin is banged up with a foot injury that relegated him to limited participation in practice all week. Tyler Johnson is not on Bo’s squad so I am expecting him to be the difference-maker in our matchup. It’s Tyler Time!!

DST – Tennessee Titans  – $2,600

The Tennessee Titans defense is facing a New Orleans offense that ranks 28th in yards per game with 314, and now will be missing Alvin Kamara. The Titans should be able to keep the Saints in front of them and not give up the big play. They are a perfect pay-down option with week.

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