Clash of the Beards and Bellies

Blood in the Water

The blush on Scott’s cheeky pair of victories has darkened to an overripe bruising. The last fortnight-and-a-half has implanted a festering doubt to whether the leaves will cease to fall. The other stench in the air is of desperation. Nimble will try anything to avoid rolling his losing streak into another billing cycle. Figuratively speaking (of course), I intend to curb stomp my dear friend this week, before adjusting my crown.

I love narratives. I’m a story teller, by nature. This week’s lineup says, “Bye-mageddon? More like cry-mageddon!” I went with a stars and scrubs approach, but with a personal edge. Deandre Hopkins will be out for vengeance against the fighting Jack Easterbys. Running it back with the other token in that famously one-sided trade, David Johnson, is the yin to Nuk’s yang. Scott has the metallic taste of blood in his mouth, the sharks are circling, and the feeding frenzy is imminent. I bet his lip is quivering.

Bo’s Lineup

CLEVELAND, OH – NOVEMBER 04: Patrick Mahomes #15 of the Kansas City Chiefs throws a pass during the third quarter against the Cleveland Browns at FirstEnergy Stadium on November 4, 2018 in Cleveland, Ohio. (Photo by Kirk Irwin/Getty Images)

QB – Patrick Mahomes – Kansas City Chiefs – $8,400

The Chiefs have been must-see television this season. Every game is a shootout when you have an explosive dynamite on offense and explosive diarrhea on defense. Mahomes’ worst performance this season is 22 DK points. He might go for 40 against the Titans. He might need to in order to win the game.

NASHVILLE, TENNESSEE – SEPTEMBER 26: Derrick Henry #22 of the Tennessee Titans runs with the ball against the Indianapolis Colts at Nissan Stadium on September 26, 2021 in Nashville, Tennessee. (Photo by Andy Lyons/Getty Images)

RB – Derrick Henry – Tennessee Titans – $9,200

The reason Mahomes might need to score 40 points this week is the cyborg we call King Henry. The way his season is going, even a $10k salary wouldn’t scare me away. This is a pizza buffet. Slip on your loose sweatpants and keep shoveling.

RB – David Johnson – Houston Texans – $4,300

Why the hell would I ever play David Johnson? For starters, he faces his former team who cast him away as a meaningless piece in a lopsided trade. Additionally, he should see more touches than last week. Mark Ingram isn’t likely to get 18 carries in back-to-back weeks and Johnson is a better pass catcher than Phillip Lindsay.

KANSAS CITY, MO – OCTOBER 13: Tyreek Hill #10 of the Kansas City Chiefs celebrates after his third quarter touchdown reception against the Houston Texans at Arrowhead Stadium on October 13, 2019 in Kansas City, Missouri. Hill had two touchdown receptions in the game. (Photo by David Eulitt/Getty Images)

WR – Tyreek Hill – Kansas City Chiefs – $8,600

The league’s most explosive player faces the worst secondary in the NFL? Sign me up! The Titans were bad before they got banged up at the cornerback position. Hill played through the painful thigh contusion last week to the tune of 22 points. You better believe he’s itching to drop another 40-burger.

WR – Rashod Bateman – Baltimore Ravens – $3,400

I was so proud of Scott for rolling out Bateman in last week’s Clash. We are both very high on the rookie out of Minnesota. I made sure he was part of my attack this week, especially in a game where Lamar Jackson is set to rebound in a huge way.

WR – Dante Pettis – New York Giants – $3,000

Pettis is a scrub. He was thrown in the trash by the 49ers. He has resurfaced with New York out of pure necessity, after their entire receiving corps has been decimated with injuries. Pettis is at the min price again this week, on the heels of an 11-target game. I don’t need him to do much, so fingers crossed.

TE – CJ Uzomah – Cincinnati Bengals – $3,000

For how desolate the tight end position is, there are some incredible plays this week. They often provide more value in points per dollar than any other position, if you play the right guy. Uzomah has been very solid coming off his Achilles injury in 2020. He will get plenty of looks against Baltimore’s 29th-ranked defense against the position.

INGLEWOOD, CALIFORNIA – JANUARY 03: DeAndre Hopkins #10 of the Arizona Cardinals reacts to an offensive pass interference call during the third quarter against the Los Angeles Rams at SoFi Stadium on January 03, 2021 in Inglewood, California. (Photo by Harry How/Getty Images)

FLEX – DeAndre Hopkins – Arizona Cardinals – $7,700

This is a real revenge game. I have no doubt that a contributing factor to Nuk getting jettisoned from Houston is pure racism. He knows that. Talk about a gigantic chip on his shoulder. I’m sure he’s been barking at Kyler Murray and Kliff Kingsbury all week about feeding him the ball. I think he might go absolutely berserk.

DST – Philadelphia Eagles – $2,300

Are the Eagles good? Hell no. They do, however, have a good defensive line and outside cornerbacks. The Raiders have been surprisingly good, but Derek Carr shrivels after taking some shots in a collapsing pocket. I’m hoping for a regression game from Vegas after an emotional win last week sans Gruden.

Turkey Bowling

One of my favorite scenes in Kingpin is when Bill Murray’s character Ernie McCracken bowls three straight strikes to win a million dollars. I can just see Bo now, writhing around on the ground like “Big Ern” after his third straight victory over me in the Clash of the Beards and Bellies last week. It hurts. The pain is real. The only thing I can do is get back up, dust myself off, drive home to my tiny apartment in Pennsylvania and announce an impending deal with Trojan Condoms and ride off into the sunset with Vannessa Angel. But in all seriousness, Bo’s winning streak ends here!!

Scott’s Lineup

EAST RUTHERFORD, NEW JERSEY – OCTOBER 17: Matthew Stafford #9 of the Los Angeles Rams warms up before a game against the New York Giants at MetLife Stadium on October 17, 2021 in East Rutherford, New Jersey. (Photo by Sarah Stier/Getty Images)

QB – Matthew Stafford – LA Rams – $7,100

The Matthew Stafford revenge game narrative is very real this week as Stafford and the 5-1 LA Rams host the god-awful 0-6 Detroit Lions. Stafford is at the peak of his fantasy powers, already passing for 16 touchdowns and over 1,300 yards this season. There’s a very real chance that Stafford throws for 400 yards and 4 scores in this matchup. This isn’t the game to fade him, I’m going all in!

PHILADELPHIA, PA – OCTOBER 14: Leonard Fournette #7 of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers runs the ball against Alex Singleton #49 of the Philadelphia Eagles at Lincoln Financial Field on October 14, 2021, in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. (Photo by Mitchell Leff/Getty Images)

RB – Leonard Fournette – Tampa Bay Buccaneers– $6,400  

Leonard Fournette has been channeling his “Playoff Lenny” the last few weeks, averaging 23 points per game.  With Tom Brady averaging 44.5 passing attempts per game and Fournette’s heavy usage in the passing game, 25 receptions, he’s a strong Cash game play with touchdown upside.

RB – Chuba Hubbard – Carolina Panthers – $6,100

Chuba Hubbard has performed well in the CMC light role the last two weeks, totaling 46 touches and close to 200 yards. This week Hubbard faces a New York Giants team that gives up close to 30 points to running backs per game and last week were lit up for 24.7 points by Darrell Henderson. Hubbard should see close to 20 touches in this game, which means he has a great chance to score 20+ points.

INGLEWOOD, CALIFORNIA – SEPTEMBER 26: Cooper Kupp #10 of the Los Angeles Rams scores a touchdown during the second quarter against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers at SoFi Stadium on September 26, 2021 in Inglewood, California. (Photo by Katelyn Mulcahy/Getty Images)

WR – Cooper Kupp – LA Rams – $8,400

According to, Cooper Kupp has top 5 wide receiver upside this week against the Detroit Lions. According to PFF, Kupp has the best matchup out of all wide receivers in Week 7. Given the aforementioned revenge narrative, I love Kupp this week as Matthew Stafford’s top stacking option.

ATLANTA, GEORGIA – OCTOBER 03: Calvin Ridley #18 of the Atlanta Falcons attempts to make a catch against the defense of Bobby McCain #20 of the Washington Football Team in the third quarter at Mercedes-Benz Stadium on October 03, 2021, in Atlanta, Georgia. (Photo by Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images)

WR – Calvin Ridley – Atlanta Falcons – $6,600

Calvin Ridley is back this week after missing Week 5 in London. The Miami Dolphins and their once-vaunted secondary, are currently in shambles giving up over 44 points per game to wide receivers. The emergence of Kyle Pitts comes at a perfect time, as Ridley is only priced $700 more than the rookie. PFF is high on Ridley this week as well, projecting him a top 10 matchup advantage.

WR –  Sterling Shepard – New York Giants – $5,600

Sterling Shepard won the Giant’s wide receiver version of Squid Game and is the last man standing. He’s averaging 9 targets a game, picking up a season-high 14 last week against the LA Rams. This week looks to be a similar game script, as the Giants are home underdogs against the CMC-less Carolina Panthers. Look for lots of targets and a safe 15 point floor from Shepard.

LANDOVER, MARYLAND – OCTOBER 10: Ricky Seals-Jones #83 of the Washington Football Team drops a pass as Pete Werner #20 of the New Orleans Saints defends during the second half at FedExField on October 10, 2021 in Landover, Maryland. (Photo by Patrick Smith/Getty Images)

TE – Ricky Seals-Jones – Washington Football Team – $3,700

Ricky Seals-Jones led the Washington Football Team yards and touchdowns in Week 6, scoring 15.8 fantasy points along the way. This week DraftKings priced him up $700, but in a negative game script, I’m expecting 6-8 targets for Seals-Jones and close to 12 fantasy points.

Flex – C.J. Uzomah – Cincinnatti Bengals – $3,000

I’ll take a 3k tight end who is averaging 13 points per game since returning to the starting lineups three weeks ago. I need high upside pay-down options if I am going to compete against Bo this week. Just wild how he “Flex-blocked” like a motherfucker on this one.

DST – Arizona Cardinals  – $3,100

I’m breaking my pay-down rule for defenses this week because J.J. Watt’s revenge tour is a real thing. I love his energy right now. “How about instead of making excuses for why we win, maybe we’re just fucking better!” He’s not wrong and this week he welcomes his old team, the Houston Texans to town for what should be a Texas-sized beat down. The Card’s defense is averaging 10 points per game this season and this game has a “defensive touchdown” written all over it.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: