Clash of the Beards and Bellies

Week 1

After a soul-snatching season of head-to-head DFS prowess against poor Nimble in 2020, I met the man this summer. I held him close, his pupils narrowed to pinpricks and pulse fluttering like a wounded moth. I whispered into his ear a message that made his graying beard hairs stand on end. “You still haven’t felt the staggering weight of my full potential.” Was he intimidated? Probably, unless he didn’t know that I was referring to our weekly face-off (formerly known as the Thunderdome) without context. Scott let out a whimper as I released my spine-cracking embrace. I was inside of him, in a figurative sense. My DFS wrath was to be inevitable again in 2021.

I’m going full send for Week 1 against Simpson. Do I care if some of our favorite plays are mutual? Not at all. The youth movement will be immediate this season. Should I achieve a truly resounding and demoralizing victory on Sunday, it will be on the young, limber backs of a few gentlemen who have yet to take a single NFL snap.

QB – Sam Darnold – Carolina Panthers – $5,000

Revenge game!!! The glow up from Gase to Rhule/Brady is overwhelming. Stacked with CMC and TMJ and the USC product goes full renaissance man.

RB – Christian McCaffrey – Carolina Panthers – $9,500

– I just wiped the saliva from my lip. CMC might need a hanky for his own drool facing the Jets in his first game back after a lost season.

RB – Derrick Henry – Tennessee Titans – $8,800

King Henry is difficult to tackle. He might also see more work in the passing game this season, now that Arthur Smith is in Atlanta. I’m spending a lot of money on running back this week in all formats. Buckle up!

JACKSONVILLE, FLORIDA – DECEMBER 13: Derrick Henry #22 of the Tennessee Titans looks on after the Titans defeat the Jacksonville Jaguars 31-10 at TIAA Bank Field on December 13, 2020 in Jacksonville, Florida. (Photo by Julio Aguilar/Getty Images)

WR – Devonta Smith – Philadelphia Eagles – $4,500

The Slim Reaper is a route-running savant. Atlanta’s secondary couldn’t cover a dead body with a tarp. Correlation? Points!

WR- Terrace Marshall Jr – $3,000

Marshall is going to be Darnold’s security blanket in the red zone. His ball skills are incredible and Joe Brady loves the kid. Dial it up at the minimum price!

TEMPE, AZ – JUNE 02: Arizona Cardinals wide receiver Rondale Moore (85) runs a drill during the Arizona Cardinals offseason practice OTAs on June 2, 2021 at Arizona Cardinals Training Facility in Tempe, Arizona. (Photo by Kevin Abele/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images)

WR- Rondale Moore – Arizona Cardinals – $3,000

Mighty Mouse is a physical freak. At 5’8″ 180 pounds, he also squats 700 pounds and has a 41″ vertical leap. Put the Purdue rookie in an offense that runs over 70 plays per game with Kyler Murray? More min-priced profits!

TE – Kyle Pitts – Atlanta Falcons – $4,400

Another rookie! The fourth overall pick in the 2021 NFL Draft was the focus of my unbridled and unhinged offseason touting how special he is. Put him against a defense full of dad bods in a Cover-2? Easy money.

Flex – Dalvin Cook – Minnesota Vikings – $9,100

I’m a sneaky bastard. Three stud running backs with great matchups this week in the same lineup should be illegal. Maybe it is, but like Judas Priest, I’m BREAKING THE LAW!…

DST – Jacksonville Jaguars – $2,700

The Texans were in full tank mode the moment it was clear that Deshaun Watson wasn’t going to play for them this season. Even though Urban Meyer is a donkey, I’d be stunned if the Jags didn’t force some turnovers out of Tyrod Taylor and his island of misfit, washed-up vets.

Scott’s Revenge: The Kobayashi Plan

Before we begin, I want to address the elephant in the room. Yes. Bo McBrayer, AKA @Bo_McBigTime on Twitter, did thoroughly and soundly beat my ass in Cash games from Thanksgiving on last year. , it was all a rouse to build his confidence up so that I could then even more soundly and thoroughly defeat him this season. Call me Kobayashi, because this is some next-level Keyser Soze shit I’m about to pull off. Bo has no idea that I’ve been on the long Con all along. Shhhh. Don’t tell him. He’ll find out soon enough after I gut and dump his lineup off the boat into the DraftKings’ loser lobby Sunday night. Here’s the team that starts me off with the victory.

QB – Jalen Hurts – Philadelphia Eagles – $6,400

The Falcons ranked 31st against the quarterback position in 2020, giving up a meaty 23.3 points per game. Unless first-round pick Kyle Pitts plans on playing both ways, the Falcons will continue to struggle to stop opposing QBs. This is great news for semi-rookie Jalen Hurts, who is starting his first full season as Eagle’s starting quarterback. The Falcons conceded 40 touchdowns to quarterbacks last year. Look for Hurts to carve them up for two scores through the air and at least one rushing in this defense optional matchup.

PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA – DECEMBER 13: Alvin Kamara #41 of the New Orleans Saints scores a touchdown against the Philadelphia Eagles at Lincoln Financial Field on December 13, 2020 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. (Photo by Tim Nwachukwu/Getty Images)

RB – Alvin Kamara – New Orleans Saints – $8,600

Alvin Kamara averaged over 33 points per game in the eight games he’s played in without Michael Thomas on the field. Currently, he’s rostered on 20% of DraftKings Main Slate GPP rosters, which is the highest of all running backs. I’m comfortable with eating the chalk on this Kamara because his upside is slate-breaking.

RB- James Robinson -Jacksonville Jaguars – $6,400

James Robinson Szn. Oh, you wanted some analysis? I see. How about this. The Texans are terrible and will win you money all season if you load up against them. Seriously, the Texans punted on defense when they signed their entire squad to one-year deals.  On the other hand, the unfortunate injury to Travis Etienne opens the door for James Robinson to once again be the dominant rushing and pass catcher in the Jacksonville Jaguars’ backfield.

WR – Calvin Ridley – Atlanta Falcons – $7,900

Calvin Ridley is a baller and he’s about to ball out this week against the Philadelphia Eagles. PFF and both rank Ridley as one of their top receiving option for Week 1, so it’s just not me. Ridley has been close to unstoppable in the 19 previous games he’s been fed eight or more targets. He’s scored 16 touchdowns. Let me repeat that. He has scored 16 touchdowns in 19 games with eight or more targets. The chances are very high that Ridely scores at least one touchdown, which means his chances of scoring two are better than almost everyone else’s.

CHARLOTTE, NORTH CAROLINA – OCTOBER 18: DJ Moore #12 of the Carolina Panthers celebrates after making a catch in the fourth quarter against the Chicago Bears at Bank of America Stadium on October 18, 2020 in Charlotte, North Carolina. (Photo by Grant Halverson/Getty Images)

WR – D.J. Moore – Carolina Panthers – $6,100

D.J. Moore might be the best receiver play all week on DraftKings. PFF predicts that Moore with the fourth-best cornerback matchup for Week 1. Sam Darnold will be itching to prove the Jets wrong in this redemption/revenge contest. Moore amassed close to 1,200 yards on under 70 receptions in 2020. He’s an incredible route runner and posses a nightmare scenario for new Jets’ head coach Robert Selah. With only four touchdowns in all of 2020, Moore is set to break out this season, don’t be surprised if he scored twice in this one.

WR – Devonta Smith – Philadelphia Eagles – $4,500

Devonta Smith is priced like he’s one of the terrible 2020 Eagles wide receivers. I get it DraftKings, you have no love for the rookies, but still. Smith is in a prime position to be the clear WR1 on the Eagles. Look for him to see between 7-9 targets in this matchup against a soft Atlanta Falcons secondary.

TE – Kyle Pitts – Atlanta Falcons – $4,400

Hard to ask for a better NFL debut matchup for Kyle Pitts than the Philadelphia Eagles. Last season the Eagles ranked 25th against the tight end position, giving up eight touchdowns (three in Tyler Higbee in Week 2) and over 14 points per game.

K’Von Wallace will be the primary safety assigned to stop Pitts on Sunday. Wallace stands 5’11” and Pitts a mear 6’6″, seven inches taller. The tallest defender Pitts might face is 6’2″ Linebacker, Alex Singleton. This is the definition of a mismatch and I want all of it. Pitts will never be this cheap again. Currently, he is being rostered in only 20% of the DraftKings GPP Main Slate entries. He’s a smash or my Flex.

Flex – Marquez Callaway – New Orleans Saints – $3,400

Marquez Callaway’s DraftKings’ price has been set for close to a month now. It’s hard to find a wide receiver who is has a more solid floor this week than Callaway. If he scores 10 points he 3x and hit his value. If he scores 20, he’s 7x his value and probably won me my matchup.

DST – Indianapolis Colts – $2,300

The Colts defense is one of the top units in the league and I am banking on a rusty Russ and some home defensive cooking in a matchup that could produce a defensive touchdown. As long as some blocks D.K. Metcalf, so he can’t chase down the ball carrier.

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